Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
