really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
