i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
