Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
