I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
