she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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