so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
