the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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