he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
