are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wish I only lived at night.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
