I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
