woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
