Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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