lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
