Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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