Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
