he wants to bone in the snuggie
In America we eat man semen.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
