I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
