Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
