not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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