Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
