i just google imaged poop.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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