my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
