what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
