Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
