3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
