Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
