I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
