Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
