I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
