Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
