Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
