meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
