I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
