dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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