No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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