Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
