Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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