Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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