i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
