I looked at my own cervix.
Is it because I queefed?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
