do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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