Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
im on a boat
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