Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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