Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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