then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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