The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
