you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
