the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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