I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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